Scared of school

Even though schools offer many good opportunities, more children are struggling to attend. Some are labelled as having 'Emotionally-Based School Avoidance' or similar terms.

Neurodiverse children and young people also find attending school difficult. They often have the same worries as other children, plus extra challenges.

Why school matters

School can support your child’s development and emotional wellbeing. It offers:

• a sense of achievement
• daily routine and structure
• different activities and environments
• friendships and social rules
• group membership and belonging
• regular exercise
• learning and new knowledge
• life skills
• relationships with adults outside the family
• support to try new things
• a clear path to adulthood
• short-term stress and relief (like exams), which can be healthy

These experiences help children grow. That’s why professionals may be cautious about removing a child from school.

If you’re thinking about homeschooling or alternative education, consider how you’ll meet these needs. Some families do manage this well. Many schools may offer a reduced timetable if your child needs more breaks.

You can speak to:

• other parents in peer support groups (such as Bee Unique or Owl Blue)
• Early Help or Family Support Workers
• your school’s SENCO (Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator)
• the SEND (Special Educational Needs and Disabilities) teaching support team
• Educational Psychologists

Sensory overwhelm

Neurodivergent children often experience the world differently. They may be:

• hypersensitive – easily overwhelmed by sounds, lights, textures
• hyposensitive – less aware of sensory input

Your child might benefit from:

• choosing where to sit in class
• arriving slightly later to avoid busy times
• using a soothe box with calming items

Visit the Sensory page for more guidance.

Teaching your child how to ask for adjustments is a valuable life skill. When they see you do this, they learn how to speak up and navigate systems.

Communication

Visit the Speech, language and communication page for more guidance.

Friendships and social skills

Most children want friends, but making and keeping them takes practice.

For younger children, you can teach:

• how to spot fairness
• how to manage losing games
• how to find friends
• what to do if they meet bullies

For older children, group membership becomes more important. Neurodiverse children may be more at risk of bullying, especially if communication is difficult.

The Spiral Cumbria website supports young people who experience bullying.

Visit the Friendships page for more guidance.

Academic challenges

Visit the Processing information and solving problems page.

Coping with change

Many neurodivergent children find change upsetting and routine comforting.

You know your child best. Professionals use research, but most of it is based on neurotypical children. You’ll need to choose what works for your child.

Practising an experience can help reduce anxiety. For example, extra visits to a new school can help your child feel more prepared especially if they are likely to struggle with that change.

Rehearsal and repeating behaviours to reduce anxiety does work for all kinds of brains.

Desensitisation (practising until there is less anxiety) works best if each practice feels like a success, otherwise there is a risk of repeating traumatic experiences. You can talk to your child about 'getting used to' an experience. It works in several ways, some of which do work for a neurodivergent mind. You practice until there is little new sensory information so there is less shock and less mental load on the brain.

It helps your child:

• reduce sensory overload
• plan ahead
• build confidence through positive memories

Explain clearly why practising is helpful. Some children may not connect their emotions to past events, so desensitisation may not work for everyone.

Visit the Choices and change page for more guidance.

Who can help

As a parent or carer, you play a key role in helping your child attend school. This is not because the problem is your fault, it’s because you know your child best.

Many signs of anxiety in children are not mental health disorders. Therapy is not always the right answer, especially if your child is reacting to something that feels like a real threat. The best support often comes from working with the school to reduce or remove that threat.

Available support

There are people and services that can help:

• School SENCO - talk to them about your child’s needs, they can help you access support
• Specialist advisory teachers - expert advice to schools and may be contacted through the SENCO
• Hospital and Home Tuition - offers short-term teaching at home or in small groups, helps children keep up with learning and return to school after illness

The Hospital and Home Tuition service is not available to everyone. A referral must come from the school and be supported by a health professional.

Resources for school transitions

West Yorkshire Health and Care Partnership - School transitions