Gender identity

Gender expression

Gender expression is how children show their gender. This might be through their:

• name
• pronouns
• clothes
• behaviour
• hairstyle
• voice

Almost all children begin expressing their gender identity at around 2 to 3 years of age. They do this in the way they talk about themselves and through the clothes they choose. Children can be very firm about their gender from an early age. For example, toddlers often proclaim ‘I’m a boy!’ or ‘I’m a girl!’

Many gender-diverse children also express their gender identity at around 2 to 3 years of age. They can be firm about their gender too. For example, a child might get angry when people call them a boy or girl, refuse to wear particular clothes, or say that they’re a different gender.

Other gender-diverse children might start to talk about their gender identity being different when they’re at primary school. For some, this happens after puberty, and some might not know or express this until they’re well into adulthood.

It’s common for all children and teenagers to experiment with gender. For example, your daughter might refuse to wear skirts or dresses, or your son might want to play ‘mum’. For most children and teenagers, experimenting with gender expression doesn’t mean that they’re gender diverse or trans. Children and teenagers can find many ways to express assumed gender.

Gender identity refers to our sense of who we are and how we see and describe ourselves.

Most people identify as "male" or "female". These are sometimes called "binary" identities. However, some people feel their gender identity is different from their biological sex. For example, some people may have male genitals and facial hair but do not identify as male or feel masculine. Some may have female genitals and breasts but do not identify as female or feel feminine.

Some people do not define themselves as having a "binary" identity. For them, the concept of gender is not relevant to their identity. They may use different terms, such as agender, gender diverse, and gender non-conforming, to describe their identity. However, as a group, they are often called "non-binary".

Gender dysphoria and gender identity

Many people with gender dysphoria have a strong, lasting desire to live a life that "matches" or expresses their gender identity.

They do this by changing the way they look and behave. Some people with gender dysphoria, but not all, may want to use hormones and sometimes surgery to express their gender identity.

Gender dysphoria is not a mental illness, but some people may develop mental health problems because of gender dysphoria.

Useful websites

• NSPCC website has a guide on gender identity
• NHS website has more information on Gender dysphoria
• Stonewall campaigns for the quality of lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people across the UK
• GIRES aims to improve the lives of trans and gender non-conforming people of all ages, including those who are non-binary and non-gender
• Transgender support and development group Be North, currently offers online, one-to-one, peer, and family support with housing and healthcare
• Pride Cumbria seeks to ensure that the LGBT+ community of Cumbria a represented
• North Cumbria LGBT holds a weekly sexual health clinic and support for children up to the age of 19 years
• Outreach Cumbria offers counselling, family support, and training
• Free Deed Poll offers an online form to enable name change by deed poll for free

Useful books

• The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals, by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper
• Helping Your Transgender Teen: A Guide for Parents, by Irwin Krieger
• The Boy Who Was Born a Girl: One Mother's Unconditional Love for Her Child, by John and Luisa Edwards
• Rainbow Street Series, by Nick Rolfe